Saturday, April 27, 2013

'cause God is a stooge.

Does this kind of image look familiar! Bingo, you genius. Yes, if you are a facebook freak like me, you'll know what this is. For others, this is just something said and best forgotten at a religious gathering. Posts like these keep popping up and down one's FB homepage. Talk of abusing the right to express. And stupid as this is, there're a hundred million likes/comments/shares or all, proving to us that irrespective of our physical evolutionary stage, we are still the species that worships the Fire God and dreads the Water Demons. Faith has a new name on FB. Stupidity.

I have nothing against God. I love him. Or her. Or both. Whatever is applicable. And pray frequently too, to keep his wrath at bay. The only annoying thing about this seemingly all-powerful giver and taker of things, is that despite the benevolence, s/he's often a stooge. And more often than not, a really confused one. You are sure to get what you want. If you've begged, pleaded or died for it enough. 

For instance, if you own a guitar that you count your life on. One day the cords snap. You've got no money and there's a smattering chance that you'll be able to see the day through without its food-for-the-soul kind of music. Now, you go to your spot of worship and beg your guts out. You probably spend the entire day hoping, praying and even yelling at passersby to help you out. "We'd love to string you up that tree," they yell back at you. The daylight fades and you've had so much disappointment and rejection that you begin to hate that cursed, wretched thing that once filled your heart with the love of God. Well, you hunt down the nearest junk-dealer. Your misery won't end. Because God loves you and needs to make his presence felt as he wipes your tears caused by the junk-dealer's ridiculously low bargain. Honestly, the bargain was just a cover-up. He just stripped you bare of your last, valuable possession. Anyhow, you come home, learn to let go, find strength in solitude and close the guitar-chapter of your life for good. That's the only way you'll get some sleep anyway. And it is necessary to sleep because when you wake up tomorrow you need to figure out a new way to earn your bread and butter on the street.Yeah, you could go look for some meaningful work but that happens only in movies. Where God plays lead role.

Now, just like me, you also clicked the share button in your dreams, two minutes before waking up (obviously, if the protagonist could afford an android phone and do it in real-time, we wouldn't have this post at all). Lo and behold, for the love of God, what do you find at the foot of your groaning, sunken bed? The Lord's favour. A set of sparkling, new G-strings. Strings! You'd begged and pleaded and nearly died for a G-string and look what you get? A heartbreak AND a slap? Another reason to face the mirror and want to break it because it's God's way of making real, your innermost fears. He was probably snickering away while you were busy decorating your prayer. Because if you had that guitar in the first place, you may have put that loin cloth on, seen your sack-like silhouette and tried to strum away the misery, sitting in the broken and dry bathtub. Obviously, who would let you play at the beach with that hideous shape on display? But now there's no guitar, a mixed-up G-string and nowhere to take it!Or shove it, to put it correctly. So, it is a miracle in itself that these miracle-making posts find numerous, gullible followers. The rest just kneel down laughing and send the next post to God- 'Dear God, thank you for a HAPPY day. Share, if God just saved you from the stupidity of sharing the previous post.'

And as for sharing this trash, God did do me a favour in two minutes. He made me want to get away from the comp and save my lunch from burning.

Thank you, you glorified stooge.

Cheers and clinks

God-awfully yours


  1. You know, this is really interesting. I am one of those people who are always aware of what they do and how it affects other people. Spirituality is a big part of my like in the sense of doing right or wrong and always be accountable for what I do.

    Whenever I see those posts, I feel like...why did they send that to me? It always leaves me feeling either wierd or obligated. LOL, after the first time I waited..I was like, ok nothing good happened today except that I woke up which was great BUT...Mr. Right didn't show up and every other please God I wish requests so...I'm just going to keep asking people...Don't send me forwarded email any longer because it isn't going to change my fate. ;)

  2. Welcome to the line of thought, Michelle. If only our belief in God and His doings(or undoings) was to be etched by these silly FB posts, the world would be such a different world. It almost reminds me of the movie 'You've got mail'. Imagine everyone's wishes coming true the moment they pressed that share button :) I believe in God, fate and most of all, my Karma. I think one leads to the other and that's what makes our wishes come true.

  3. I completely agree with you. I'm especially offended by those that are shaped in the form of a veiled judgement or outright threat such as: "Those who share this truly care about their children" or "If you don't share this in .003 seconds you are doomed to eternal damnation."

    Very well said. Thanks!

    1. Oh yes, Kevin. I visited this page after a long time. What you say is what I believe. If only God were to be this egoist freak who would keep damning everyone who didn't share a certain FB post, we'd all be so prone to misery. Which we are not. Hence proven that God is a totally chilled-out, happy-go-lucky dude/chic like us :)


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