There's a tiny voice in my head. With a big bass- the bad ass. I guess, many of us have it. The kind that can't sit down on its bottoms , with a finger on its lips. And if you do force it down, it keeps fiddling with your sanity. Is there any way to mellow it down and make it behave? Little chance. Must be phallic...the freak! More importantly, is that really a good idea because the last I heard the specialists speak, suppression is really not a good thing.
I have come across all sorts of people in my life. From the overtly clever, to the opportunists and diplomats, the emotional rhizobium as well as the social pests (No, no darling, you don't fit in here. Very few of your warm, intelligent and sensitive kind out there....so keep reading). Amidst the daily business called life, and trying to make it profitable through cheeky humour; I also recognise the more serious issues that are floating about on a daily basis. I do have a choice though, to turn my back and carry on with the profitable business of my life. But that voice. It feeds on my free time and begins the needling. The annoying chatter that doesn't let me keep my peace.
I'm no Mother Teresa. Nowhere close. In fact, I'm quite the opposite. However, I have this natural flair for running into people who are going through issues in life. And I jump right in. Perhaps, because once upon a life, I was too. And in an effort to pull them out, I manage to take in some of the heat. Call me stupid, and I still won't stop. I'll quote an example:
A few days ago, I got engaged in a conversation, with someone I didn't know but is known to a friend of mine. Now, despite the set rule to not get involved in online interactions with strangers; I do make exceptions now and then. That day too, I decided to break the rule as the person's expression caught my attention. And I'm someone who does get impressed by a thought well-enunciated. And there was a vested interest. He came quite close to the male character of the book I'm currently working on. Understanding him would give me a greater perspective on fleshing out the character of a man who's been with many women.
Now, during the course of discussion about writing, love and man-woman relationships in general, the words that popped up were 'emancipation of women'. My chat-mate believed that emancipated women are the nemesis of a relationship since that's what kills the man's primal instinct of being in command. Being a woman, and an i-think-i-am-liberated one myself, I should have jumped to the defence of my kin and kind. However, that did not happen because #1 I had promised not to judge and #2 I did agree with him that when a woman overtly nurtures the male side of her, the man doesn't need her any more. Unless he's gay and he is happy in a you-wear-the-pants equation.
Having said that, and agreeing silently( no ladies, I did not give him the satisfaction of a 'Yes, you're right! ;P ) to it, we went on to discussing various things. Later that night, I couldn't help but wonder how does a man process the word emancipation. While the alpha-male, who has emerged from the primal too, looks for greater sexual expression and an independent partner in his woman, why does he feel threatened by the liberation of thought and a certain feistiness in her, that become obvious by-products of the process? And is it that while sexual emancipation is a welcome thing, the same in other spheres of life is an undesirable trait. And if the evolution, which was brought on by the unfair treatment of women by men to begin with, doesn't work positively/favourably for women, why would women want it in the first place? To me, self- validation and identity-issues are the obvious, and rather clicheed answers. The see-saw again. Is it really normal for men and women to feel that they don't need to bend for each other's needs any more for a fulfilling, balanced life? The voice in my head scrabbles deeper.
So, what are the choices that women have in such a scenario where a well-educated man thinks that a healthy society needs women to be loving partners than free-thinking, self-asserting, sometimes dominating, individuals? The following:
Option 1. To label such a man as a chauvinist and rubbish him. You win, he loses (probably only you).
Option 2. To try and understand his point of view and play along as desired . He wins you lose ( and so do all the pro-feminists, who've spent their lives butchering the male ego)
Option 3. To try and have a split-personality that's commanding in bed and a duh-who-dunnit otherwise. I don't know who that helps. The psychiatrist, perhaps.
Option 4. To foster your feminism enough that you become a strong nurturer; and not just an enduring baby doll; and therefore, a reservoir of patience and forgiveness. That sounds too old and fraying a thought, isn't it?
So what is it that women really want and can be happy with? And do men ever think that why is it that women want what they do want? When all of us know that women want emotional fulfillment, love, loyalty, flattering compliments and expensive gifts; while men look for mind-blowing sex(yes, the two equate); then what is it that stops them from giving it to each other? The voice hasn't stopped talking. And there are hardly any set answers. I hope Darwink* returns soon.
The questions kept me awake most of the night and the next day, I reacted to my chat-mate's general disregard for women that came across from his statements( and I was told to run an NGO for the neo-liberators). He said I was a bad writer, for being all opinionated about the male perspective. It would be easy for me to dismiss him as another gender-bender but being Freud's psychotic alter-ego, I obviously can't, while I'm constantly trying to access his view-point. I'm now drowsy with sleep and no answers in sight. And my book's villanous hero is glaring at me for not paying him any attention. The MCP!
Any answers anybody? Yeah, yeah...too much free time on hand. I know!!