Saturday, February 9, 2013

When Mars meets Venus

Diamonds are a woman's best friend. Used to be. Once upon a gender-biased lifetime. As luck would have it, Darwin's theory of evolution is evolving too as it copes with the fading differences between Adam and Eve. And so applicable on Earth, Mars and Venus alike. Other than glorified carbons, there are quite a few tips that may help keep the Martians and Venusians together for another couple of eons.

I had a visitation yesterday by Darwink* -the God of the Theory of the Relationship Revolution. In my dream, he endowed upon me the responsibility to unveil to the world, his cataclysmic exposition.

1. Men rejoice! It's diamonds no more. Flattery is undisputedly a girl's best friend. It's a timeless classic and no recent development, this. Just because you guys were unable to discover this secret yourself, you've had to pay the price with diamonds all these years. The best things in life come for free.

2. For the guys who just read  #1 and brought out that crooked smile, and also probably the first deep sigh of relief in years- hold on to that breath. Flattery at the cost of indulgence and thoughtful flair, is going to fall flat. And on your own face at that. Therefore, while flattery rules the roost, diamonds still come a close second. When you fail to sound sincere with flattery, diamonds will become YOUR best friends and lead you onto light.

3. Ladies, what makes a woman a man's trophy, an asset? If you said 'eyes', you've never met an honest man. Until this revelation. Now, smarten your, and learn to identify the real ones from the fakers. Eyes, hair and other such irrelevant facial contours are YOUR fixed deposits, not his. Anyway, now that you ARE an asset, with whatever you believe, you must remember that assets need to perform on a continuous basis. The term 'set in stone' works well for the Constitution, not your hips. Go salsa, zumba, tango and keep that rear moving, if you know what's good for you. Your looks won't last a lifetime; or even a relationship. Those hips will.

4. For the romantically challenged men: It's touch, kiss and that order. The reverse never goes to stage. No, not even after a decade of dress-rehearsals. Reading the script backwards never worked for anybody. Not even Amitabh Bachchan.

5. O.K. So, you are the most macho among your breed. And you are also the Suneil Shetty/Sylvestor Stallone corporate prototype. But seriously, a little humour never killed anybody. "I just died laughing" was not meant to be taken literally, and shunned forever. Time to lighten up the romance. Humour her. Not at her.

6. Girls, drop the 'I' from the talk sometime. Take the focus elsewhere. And ladies who believe that it helps to carry their man's attention on to other women to keep the sizzle in the drizzle- You're star-smart! And if you think that attention means maid-talk, new friend's ugly secrets or how your mother-in-law victimised you today,  then please go ahead and rip that star-smart tag right off your shoulder.

7. Ladies and gents, crude as it may sound, it really does pay to bring an outsider into the partnership. And don't go penny-pinching on that. Certain pleasures are meant to be bought. Ditch the guilt, shame or sacrilegious joy that you might feel at entertaining such thoughts.A pair of outsourced helping hands does help spruce up togetherness. My husband and I did just that. We could kiss those hands. Yes! Such are the joys of a professional baby-sitter. Your love-life goes from sprawl to sprint before you can holler 'Go!'.... We on the same page?

 That's all to quote and unquote for now as Darwink* took a pee-break here. I'm waiting for him to return tonight(he's the third one in my marriage).
Lead kindly light...

Untill then,
go rehearse


  1. Give an "or" choice on the 7th tip/commandment for the ones who are single/almost-single

  2. after Darwink*'s next visit. Coming soon.


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